What Is Emotional Dysregulation? Understanding Why It Happens—and How Adults Can Heal with Support

Emotional regulation is something we learn over time. As babies and young children, we depend on caring adults to co-regulate with us; soothing us, helping us make sense of our feelings, and creating a safe and nurturing environment where we eventually learn to calm ourselves.

But what happens when you're an adult who struggles with emotional dysregulation? Many adults unconsciously reject the support they need, especially when overwhelmed. This can be so destructive in interpersonal relationships, especially marriages if they are blaming their spouse or support system for their own inability to manage themselves impeding communication and understanding. Emotional dysregulation is easier to notice in children than in ourselves.

## What Emotional Dysregulation Looks Like in Adults

Adults can lose their temper, feel overwhelmed, or become reactive while expecting children to remain calm. Emotional dysregulation is a nervous system response—not a moral failing—but we must learn to recognize it. Two processes are often happening at once; our bodies are overwhelmed and our thoughts.

## Why Knowing Your Triggers Matters

During overwhelm, your prefrontal cortex disconnects (Dr. Dan Siegel's “flipped lid”). In this state, thinking clearly or using coping skills becomes difficult.

## Step One: Recognize Your Body's Signals

Notice early cues like:

• Heart racing

• Sweating

• Tension

• Shallow breathing

• Feeling hot or agitated

These signals indicate you're heading toward dysregulation and are different for everyone.

## Co-Regulation for Adults

Adults also need safe relationships to regulate their nervous systems. Therapy can help you:

• Understand emotional patterns

• Identify root causes

• Build accessible coping tools

• Improve emotional awareness

Emotional dysregulation is not weakness—it is a nervous system trying to protect you. The overwhelming thoughts that led to the dysregulation to begin with may be your brain trying to protect you too.

*More next week on the topic adult support for emotional dysregulation